You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
