It's Friday. Sex?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I could fuck to npr.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize