I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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