you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
