But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
