when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
