I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
