im holly from the hills drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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