Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
