dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
