Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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