I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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