ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
