So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
