my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
COCAINE IS GR8
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
