The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
