No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
