After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
