I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
