cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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