Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
