oh god the rape fog is back!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
