Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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