I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
