Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
