if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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