I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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