i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
