dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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