You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
