One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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