Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
