peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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