There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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