I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this will be a night to untag.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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