I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
