Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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