Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
