i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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