Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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