When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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