it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
