I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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