Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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