Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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