my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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