a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Randomize
