I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
