pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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