im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
