oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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