after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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