I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize