hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
