i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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