THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
