wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
