okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
