I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
