One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
