Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
