I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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