I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
