He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
