Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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