i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
