she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize