They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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