dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
