You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
