Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
