shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
birth control should be required to get into college
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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