I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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