I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
