We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
