clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need moral support for this bender
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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