You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
