Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
