You're my little dorito
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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