he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
