Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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