if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
