1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
