Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
