He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
